Bullet Train Time

Looks like I was right. That light at the end of the tunnel IS a Japanese bullet train.

Less than 29 days left until I'm HOMELESS. The reality of it is almost too much to take. I keep telling myself, God hasn't brought me this far just to leave me helpless, crippled and alone on the street with no shelter and no hope.

But, it's certainly shaping up that way.

I had hoped to move into a Section 8 apartment here in town, but yet again the actions of others are screwing me up.

When the low-income apartments ran my credit, they discovered a $6,000 tax lien from the state of Maryland on my credit. I knew immediately what it was and told them, but that doesn't help my situation.

A few years ago, the state of Maryland--location of the duty station previous to Whidbey Island for the wasband and I--erroneously charged state taxes against the vehicle we purchased there just prior to our transfer. Since the wasband was active duty and neither of us were Maryland state residents, they have no right to tax either of us.

The wasband apparently found out about this following our divorce, complaining to me what a pain it was to get it off his credit. It was on his credit, but not mine because the car was purchased in his name. Without income, I was considered a "housewife" and not a candidate to purchase the vehicle.

During the divorce, the wasband was ordered by the court to pay off all debt related to the vehicle. Until it was satisfied, I would have ownership, but the car remained in his name on the registration.

In 2005, he paid off the car and we had it transferred into my name.

Now, mysteriously, the state of Maryland transferred their erroneous tax lien into my name in 2005. Yet, I've never received one notification letter from them about this. I had no knowledge of it on my credit whatsoever.

When confronted by my caregiver, Ashley, the wasband claimed he didn't know what she was talking about. When she called and confronted him again, he suddenly remembered about the tax lien. When asked for documentation proving it was erroneous, he claimed he'd taken care of it online and had nothing to help me.

Typical. He's going to make good on his threat to see me either dead in a ditch or living in a box on the streets with the cats all because I had the nerve to go to the emergency room after he raped and battered me. He raped and battered me because I'd found out he'd been sleeping with dozens of people during the last year of our marriage and I confronted him about it.

And now, 6.5 years later, the rape continues.

Now, I must fight the state of Maryland over taxes that should have never been issued in the first place. Unfortunately, it has now gone through a court case, a judgement has been issued against me and a lien made. All of this without my knowledge.

Unless I can prove this is erroneous within the next few days, I will lose any hope of getting the Section 8 apartment. That will leave me with absolutely nowhere to live. Without a place to live, I will lose my food stamps, medicaid and caregivers program. Since I can't function without these things, I have no idea how to cope.

I've had to go out so many times in the past month with my caregiver, Ashley, trying to find a place to live, and get all the paperwork the Section 8 place has asked for, I've overdone it. I've had several bad falls and my gait has deteriorated to the point that I now need to return to physical therapy just to learn how to walk with my cane and without falling yet again. It took 9 months the last time around and was gruesomely painful. That was 4 years ago. The nerve damage is considerably worse now.

Needless to say, the nightmares have now returned making my days even harder to cope through. I've been placed back on the nightmare suppressants, and am suffering the side effects of being perpetually stoned and confused.

As I've told Ashley, and my Stephen Leader, Linda, I feel God is telling me it's time to kill myself. I mean, how can we know that He means for me to go on living? If He did, there would've already been a miracle, instead of continuous road blocks and tragedies coming, rapid fire, one after another.

Luckily, I did my internship for my criminology degree at the coroner's office and learned first-hand how to commit suicide without making any mistakes. I've already told Linda, as well as my nurse practitioner that I will kill myself rather than be homeless. I'll see to it that the cats are suitably placed in a loving home, then I'll do the deed.

And this is why we victims/survivors of abuse don't leave our abusers. The world hates abuse survivors who try to stand on their own two feet and make it. It sees to it that there is no help and no hope when everything goes wrong. It feels like God does, too.

Just ask all the abused women in California now that their bafoon of a governor voted the budget for domestic abuse survivors be CUT BY 100%!!!! But what might one expect from a misogynistic womanizer?