Honestly, guys how often do you get lucky from sending women photos of your penis attached to an email that poses the question,"Wanna f#ck?"
Since my divorce from Toad of Darkness six years ago, I've had occasion to wax long-winded on my various blogs about the nature of online dating. Suffice to say, most of my diatribes have been of the scathing variety, colored by my misadventures in dating in a Navy town.
I actually kept a blog on one of the dating sites to which I belonged. I had a running column called, "Yin-Yang Lifestyle" that offered tips to both men and women for making meaningful connections that led to good relationships with a fantastic level of intimacy. It was well received by both sexes, but women often used it to vent their disgust at the growing lack of respect in men.
Guys, what happened to acting like a human being? Did that go the way of the dinosaur along with respect and conversations you could actually have in front of your grandmother? Also, if you could explain to me why the webcam has turned seemingly all men into exhibitionists I'd be sorely grateful. Especially those individuals who bring nothing to the table beyond reminders of that colorful song, "Short, Short Man."
"You need to put your pants back on honey!"
I'm no prude.
Those who know me, know this of a certainty. I am a devout sensualist and hedonist. I'm more concerned with passion than romance, but I do appreciate the fine structure of social graces that should be involved in the man-woman dynamic. I also feel sex is God-created, healthy and nothing to be ashamed of between two consenting adults.
But, DAMN! I'm just sayin'. . .
After a conversation with a much younger female friend about her experiences with blatantly stupid men, I've come to one steadfast conclusion: the Internet has surgically removed the concepts of courting, wooing and actual dating from the very psyche of every human male who comes into contact with it.
I am now convinced that men have come to see women as not worth taking the time to get to know. Understandable since they now seem pressured by the biological imperative to broadcast their seed far and wide. I mean, seriously, why waste conversation, dancing, dinner and a movie on a potentially bad lay, right gents?
Are we in another ice age? There must be some logical explanation for the universal dumbing down of men.
"Hey b#tch, get me a beer," is not conversation!Invariably this all boils down to conversation.
I'm relatively certain I speak for the vast majority of women here. If you are neither interested nor intelligent enough to engage me in a mutually satisfying dialog, the odds of you seeing me naked are astronomically low. Spock would have a hard time calculating just how low with a mainframe and an fission-powered slide rule.
When did conversation go out of vogue? More importantly, why did it go out of vogue? I never got the memo and I'm curious.
I've always thought of dating and wooing a potential mate as a chess match. Not in the gaming sense, but of one move building upon another over time to create something complex and beautiful. Like the tango. Watch an Argentinian couple doing the tango sometime. Note the way their bodies move together, even their feet teasing toward the obvious end result. Replace all those complex chess and dance moves with words and you'll get the picture. Everything is a process, especially relationships, so talking your way through it is an absolute necessity.
My bottom line has always been this: seduce my mind and the rest will follow. It's not that difficult to do--well, for some men I suppose it would be, but generally speaking. Converse! Why would you want to have sex and possibly form a relationship with someone with whom you can't share common interests, much less the day-to-day banal things?
Respect is not a four letter word.
If it helps, think of it as foreplay.
I uninstalled Yahoo IM from my computer years ago. Why? Because messages from strangers with propositions like "Wanna f#ck," or "Wanna come over and [-put egregiously inappropriate description of a sex act here-]" grew tiresome. Worse still are the "Wanna see my webcam" comments which invariably end with the guy naked and doing something that's likely illegal outside of a whorehouse. (The one with the rubber chicken where the sun don't shine scarred my not-so-tender sensibilities for life.) Worst of all would be receiving similar comments and requests from previously platonic male friends. When did such technologies evolve into mere tools for amateur pornographers?
Here's a clue, gents and I'm giving it to you for free: that is the fastest way to end up on a woman's blocklist. Even if you met her on an "adult dating site." It's an unanimous pet peeve of women everywhere.
The Internet has added immediacy and a false sense of intimacy to meeting others. It has destroyed the healthy boundaries that only boors and Mr. Goodbar violated in the age of face-to-face meetings. As a result, women the world over have become disillusioned with dating and men in general.
Gents, this means that if you're treating women like this, you are shooting yourself in the foot, or more aptly, the private parts.
So, here's the wrap-up to help you guys remember how to approach women:
1. Keep your pants on. Not only does it get you blocked, but God kills a puppy every time you show your tackle on a webcam. Try to remember that!
2. Learn how to have a real conversation with people. It's okay to talk about boring things. It's not okay to proposition a stranger to come over and ride you like a scooter.
3. Use instant message programs and the Internet only for good. It's a privilege, not a right. Please refer back to #1 if you aren't clear on this one.
4. If you'd be ashamed for your mother, grandmother, doctor and Pastor to see or hear it, you probably shouldn't say it or do it to the person you're trying to get to know, especially someone you've only met 10 seconds ago online. Again, refer back to #1 and #2 if this is unclear in any way.
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